To my sweetest daughter,
Soon, the thing in your stomach--the one that's been kicking and punching ceaselessly--will become a real person, and it will be among the most beautiful sights you will ever have the privilege of witnessing. Motherhood, although joyful, will be substantially more difficult for you than for Abby and Karen. Not only are you raising a black baby, but you are also raising a black baby girl. She will work twice as hard as her white counterparts, and again twice as hard as her black male counterparts, to earn (if she's lucky) half the respect for the exact same work. But this is not a new phenomenon. You lived it, as did I, my mother, and every black woman who came before us.  This is but one of the many injustices your baby girl will face, and I will have failed you as a mother if I don't warn you against raising her to cope with black womanhood the same way I raised you to deal with it--in silence.

For generations, we have seen one another as allies, sisters, confidants, and everything in between. We've gathered to complain about our boyfriends and husbands, bosses and coworkers, without ever acknowledging the somewhat surface nature of this sisterhood we've allowed to bond us. As we lament about dished left unwashed and laundry left unattended, we've purposefully neglected to discuss our less glamorous grievances. Especially as educated black women working in white-collar professions, we have been taught to internalize and repress the traumas we face. With so few of us in our respective sectors, we inevitably act as spokeswomen for the entirety of the black female population, and we are taught that compromising the work of our ancestors by speaking out about our painful experiences is to be avoided at all costs, even if that means sacrificing our health, sanity, and dignity.

I'm sorry that I allowed this fallacious and ultimately toxic line of thinking to shape your upbringing and even your development as an individual. I hope you will encourage your baby not only to speak up, but also never to stop speaking up, whether it be on her own behalf or on behalf of those unable to advocate for themselves. Introduce to her the concept of self-care and self-care practices not as an option but as a mandate. Recognize the little things I foolishly chose to ignore that were so telling of your mental state. Although you must assert your authority as a parent, don't forget to ensure she knows you are her ally against the rest of this euro-centric, patriarchal world. Above all, don't forget to reach out for help; I didn't do it alone, and nobody should have to.

All my love,
Mommy