A Letter to My Heavenly Beloved

Dear Baby,

To coddle you in my arms was the greatest honor ever bestowed upon me. Because of you, I experienced life again, and I knew that you were evidence that there is a God who is able to produce innocent good in the face of evil. From your "coo's" to every nursing moment we shared, I was assured of my responsibility to protect your from the evils of this world. Yet, I would've never guessed that the best way to carry out my duty would be to plunge you into a world of darkness far away from me, the one who loves you most.

See baby, the life of a slave is hard. Every day I live in fear of a master who claims ownership to the few things I thought I would have rights to in this world, my body and soul. To live everyday in submission to a man who paints himself as a white god, yet practices enough immorality to sentence his entire family to damnation is degrading in itself. Everyday I fought for your brothers and sisters, to make sure that they had space in a society that was created to consume and destroy every ounce of their being. Yet that old master sold them away from the only person other than God who would protect them. I live each day with the torturous thoughts of knowing that my children, our family, are out in this cold, evil world living a life that only leads to oppression or death.

I hope you will forgive me for what I am about to say and do in these next moments. Your mama is tired. I can't take the loss of another one of my babies, each of whom is a part of me. I will no longer allow the sacrifices of your lives to profit that evil ol' master. God forgive me, but I have decided to send you to glory, to a place where the angels can watch over you. I hope the blood on my hands and the guilt on my soul is enough to pay the price for your entrance into those pearly gates. I hope that you understand that this was my only option, and I hope your eternal bliss allows you to forgive me because Lord knows I can never forgive my self.

Fly high, baby, and live a life that I and your brothers and sisters can only hope to live some day.

With Love,
An Ailing and Heartbroken Mother

*This letter was written from the perspective of Lou Smith, a mother who killed her newborn baby to protect it from the evils of her master and the slavery system.